A small item appeared in the press a week or so ago about some curious research carried out by a New Zealand university. The research looked at attitudes on relationships amongst the vegan community. It found that many vegans were so turned off by the thought of consuming animals and animal products that they wouldn’t dream of having a physical or intimate relationship with an omnivore of the opposite sex. They coined the term vegansexual to describe such people.
Having been happily married for many years to someone who shares my own views on eating meat it hasn’t been an issue that’s cropped up with me. But I did start to think how, if I was single, I’d feel.
At The Barn we often have guests to stay where one partner in a couple is vegan/veggie and the other is not. Booking in with us is often described as ‘a treat’ for the veggie because most of the time they stay in non-exclusively veggie places where the catering for them is usually indifferent. So ‘mixed’ relationships clearly work and often there’s give and take – but it must be a strain if for no other reason than having to cook separate meals all the time.
I wondered whether the NZ research findings extended to vegetarians and I’d be interested in your thoughts and experiences……are you a vegan or veggiesexual
Hi Richard,
I would like to share my thoughts.
Theoretically it should not be problems having a spouse who is non vegetarian. But the most of the time, problems derive as follow:
a) The valuation matter.
My friend who is vegan always having problems with her husband when come to marketing. If she spends $10 on buying vegetarian products, her husband will said “wah ! So expensive, there is no meat”. Her husband values things different from her, so they always end up with unhappy event on these types of arguments. On this case, if this person is my family member I think I will tell him “If we spend $10 and must eat other being’s meat, how about I give you $300 and let you cut down *one slice of meat from your body, you will be able to feel the pain of the animals being slaughtered, why spend money must be on the expense of other being’s lives”. *One slices of meat only, not yet ask for his life, he spend $10, he want other being’s life. Hence, for me, if the valuation in this sector is so difference, become spouse is a great torturing of each other, I rather say “no” to free both parties.
b) The body odor matter
I experience our diet behavior contribute the smell of our body. I had a friend who has quite strong body odor, but after she became full vegan, the smell getting lighter. At least when go out with her or sit next to her, I feel more comfortable.
I ever experience in a public bus. That was a very hot afternoon, I was in an air-con bus. This bus reach a bus top located near a market place which mostly for non vegetarian. This man boarded to the bus. By his appearance and other indications, for sure he is non vegan. His body full of perspiration. He stood next to my seat and raised his hand to hold the hanger of the bus which mean for standing commuters. At that moment, I nearly faint by smell came from his body which has a strong mixed with mutton smell. There was 45 minutes more journey for me to reach my destination. However, as the smell was really strong, I endured for only about 3 bus-stops, I get off of the bus, and wait for next trip of bus. So if one is very sensitive to smell, it is really difficult for him/her to live with other person who is non vegan. In long-term, I belief it will effect their relationship. In addition, for vegan to cook meat for the family member who is non vegan, he/she also has to endure the smell come from the meat during washing & cooking, it is also another problem.
This is mainly share with you only, if you think it is not suitable to paste on your blog, I am ok with is. Or you may alter or delete some wording which you think it should not appear on your blog. Thank you ?
I find it a bit hard to connect body odour with being non vegetarian. I would imagine it has something to do with not washing.
If you love someone, you love them, not their eating preferences. However, if two people love each other, they take the other's opinions and preferences into account, which I think explains the reason that so many couples consist of one veggie and one non veggie. It would be very convenient for me if all my friends were veggie, but unfortunately, most of them aren't.
Hi Felicia
Thank you for your very interesting comment on my Veggie Blog piece
about veggiesexuals. I think you are right about the different values
people have. The body odour aspect is also interesting and it's
something that the New Zealand research team found when they talked to
vegans there.
Thanks again
Richard
My husband became recently vegan, and I am following him, although it is hard to cook without meat , more time consuming and I am worried about proteine intake. I love him dearly, and I do believe we should not eat animals.
Hi Maria - thanks for your comment. I agree that making sure you get a properly balance is harder when you're following a vegan diet. But it makes you really think about what you are eating and in the end I believe that you can become much healthier. Protein is easy to get - nuts, seeds and pulses are all rich forms.
I've been a vegetarian for about seven years now and although I would prefer to have a vegetarian partner I'm not exclusive. It's more important for me to be with someone that is respectful and considerate regarless of thier dietary preferences. My current boyfriend is not a vegetarian and I'm ok with that I do not cook meet in the house nor do I let him. But when we go out to eat I don't give him a hard time for ordering something with meat.
Hi there. This was something that I was thinking about yesterday. I have been vegetarian for several years and am very strict about it, as any veggie should be. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly two years and he's been vegetarian for six months. Before, I didn't have an issue with him eating meat. I refused to kiss him until he'd brushed his teeth, but other than that I was really accomodating - I even cooked meat for him a few times. Now that he's veggie too though, it is so nice and I don't think I could go back to how it was before. Perhaps I would be alright if they never cooked meat around me and respected my views, but part of me finds it difficult to believe that you can truly understand a vegetarian or vegan's views without actually wanting to be vegetarian yourself! I don't drink milk or wear leather, and i would love to go the whole stretch and be vegan but I am already anaemic and fear I wouldn't be able to survive on a vegan diet - I think so much of it depends on your body type and how strong you are. I eat all the right things, lots of leafy green vegetables for iron etc, but I am still anaemic. Perhaps one day veganism will be right for me.
Thanks Laura - interesting post. I heard a woman on the radio the other day who was veggie saying her boyfriend made her brush her teeth before kissing her because he only ate meat! Can't see that relationship lasting long can you? I agree with you about the need to take care over diet especially if you have anaemia but I wouldn't have thought that your getting anything to help that from dairy products. You should try asking a diet specialist like Yvonne Bishop at Foods For Life about it if you want to go vegan. All the best - Richard
My girlfriend is a vegetarian, and she was before myself, so that is a good thing. Having said that, I do not think I could have a meaningful relationship with someone that eats animals.
I could however, have not so meaningful relations with an omnivore. Now that I think about it, it's the exact same mindset I have with smokers.
I despise smoking. I hate the smell, the taste (of a smoker), and i hate the look of it. I despise meat eating, I hate the smell, and If someone tasted like ham, I would also hate their taste, but if they are slick enough and I don't see them eat meat or smoke, I might consider a hug.
I'm not sure what that makes me.
Posted by Christopher | August 31, 2007 11:16 PM